Good Fer Nuthin'
bigafitch:

"American Dream #3" 45 x 32 inches. 2014 Acrylic, blueprint, graphite, ink, poster paint.

bigafitch:

"American Dream #3" 45 x 32 inches. 2014
Acrylic, blueprint, graphite, ink, poster paint.

10 Ways to confuse and frustrate strangers in public:

1) Go into a gay bar and loudly complain about what a sausage party it is.

2) Shush people who aren’t talking at the library.

3) Go to a public pool, swim to the middle and scream “fire!” 

4) Walk into restaurant wearing black clothes. Walk up to any recently seated table and take their drink order. Leave restaurant.

5) Dress in a dog costume. Always. Sometimes as a dog wearing a sailor suit.

6) Walk around the mall yelling for your mom, like a lost child would. 

7) Stain your crotch with fake blood. Walk around book store browsing nonchalantly. 

8) Go to movie theater, pick the saddest drama there. Laugh uproariously through entire movie. Clap loudly at the end. Shout for an encore.

9) Buy a scratch-off lotto ticket, scratch it. Assuming is it NOT a winner, jump up and down in the store or store parking lot cheering and whooping. Run up to nearest person, hug them, and shove ticket in their hand before you run away.

10) Walk through the park talking on cell phone whilst dragging a dog leash behind you with a flaming/smoking collar on the end. 

You’re welcome.
~Wolfe

I love bee puns and I make no APIOLOGY for it! Buy Polly the Bee stuff at redbubble.com/people/wolfehanson!

I love bee puns and I make no APIOLOGY for it! Buy Polly the Bee stuff at redbubble.com/people/wolfehanson!

The first of three (count ‘em: 3!) POLLY the BEE designs, you can buy today on Redbubble. 

Buy my stuff! I have intestinal parasites to feed!

The first of three (count ‘em: 3!) POLLY the BEE designs, you can buy today on Redbubble.

Buy my stuff! I have intestinal parasites to feed!

Rick Perry, whilst in San Francisco mind you, compared homosexuality to alcoholism. I dunno you guys, it sounds like he’s speaking from experience…

Here are a selection of new slogans for this platform Perry is proposing in Texas:
"You booze, you cruise (for men), you lose."
"Just say no twinking and driving."
"Friends don’t let friends drive gay."
"Being gay will get you nailed." (tagged for workshopping)
"Get high on LIFE, not WEINERS."
"What’s your anti-dick?"
"M.A.D.D. - Men Against Delicious Dicks."
"Boo to Glory Holes, Yay for Glory WHOLES…be gay for Christ!"
"This is your brain. THIS is your brain on butt-stuff."
"2 Smart 2 Start (being lezi)."
…and lastly:
"(butt) Crack is Whack."

Carrot the Orange Kitty - shirts, totes, pillows and more!

Carrot the Orange Kitty - shirts, totes, pillows and more!

Come back to life and devour your friends’ brains with this awesome zombie themed tote!

Come back to life and devour your friends’ brains with this awesome zombie themed tote!

Bubbles the Sub 2

Bubbles the Sub 2

Bubbles the Sub 1

Bubbles the Sub 1

UNcontrol legislation
911…where’s your emergency?”
 
"Yes, please help, some men are stealing all the belongs at my house. 452 Metaphor Street. Please hurry!"
 
"Sorry, sir, we can’t help you."
 
"What? Why?"
 
"Well, we’ve had laws against theft forEVER, and people just keep stealing. We decided that since the laws did not stop theft a full 100%, we’d just not have those laws."
 
"WHAT? That…that makes ZERO sense! You’re the police! You’re supposed to protect and serve!"
 
"Yeah, but, I mean, those laws didn’t fix it, like, ALL the way. So, y’know…"
 
"Y"KNOW? Y’know WHAT? Help me!"
 
"Yeeeeahhhhh. Noooooo, sorry."
 
"So if a law doesn’t completely eradicate a crime from existing, you won’t enforce it?"
 
"Yeah. Also, laws are made of words, and words are, like, gay or something."
 
"Gay? So?"
 
"Well, being gay is SUPER illegal. Are those robbers gay? Because then we’d come get them. For gayness."
 
"Umm…yes…yes these men are gay. Super gay. they’ve been gaying all over my stuff."
 
"OK, sir, and officer will be right out. You may want to hide, because they are SUPER trigger happy and full of steroids."