Good Fer Nuthin'
Abiding My Time

Spread erratically over the course of roughly 3 years, I was on and off psych meds (anti-depressants, anti-anxiety) to which I had extremely bad reactions. Opposite reactions, actually. The anti-anxiety ones made me anxious at best, and caused panic attacks at worst. The anti-depressants caused me to be more depressed at best, suicidal at worst. As it turns out, I should never have been prescribed these in the first place. And I definitely should not have been on variants of them for 3 years.

They effected my behavior in negative ways, making what would be normal, internal and controllable reactions to the stimuli of the world, into broad, outward reactions. And going through a scary period in my life when I was on my own for the first time in, like, ever…alone in the world and trying to meet new people, as well as suddenly dealing with a hostile economy…these were not good times for those kind of reactions.

I did the best I could under the circumstances, but bad times and a lot of bad people being involved in my life at this time resulted in a lot of bad choices and situations that have adversely affected my life (and still do to this day). My finances and career are totaled, my reputation in tarnished, and I still suffer from the stigma this country foists upon those that have gone through bad times. There are still those who would shit on me at any chance, whether it be gossip or worse. And while that is proof those people are either misinformed or just crappy humans…well, that still sucks at times.

It’s hard not to think about the last 6 years and not get sad. It’s also hard not to get angry about those times. It’s hard not to beat myself up…for my own failings and even for things that I had no say in. It’s hard not to be a bit paranoid about people still in my world and new people I encounter (trusting people Is extremely difficult for me nowadays). And it’s hard to have expectations for the future that aren’t tainted by bad times from years back.

But I do it anyway. I push through the emotional pain, the physical pain and the mounds of stupid I have to deal with just to function at a basic level. And I do that each and everyday. Knowing there will always be detractors and people that’ll love to see me hurt and fail. I try to do it with a smile and a joke at every turn. I focus on the (very few) people who truly matter to me and that have been there in some supportive fashion (whether we always get a long or not). I focus on ways to make myself happy and deal with my “new normals,” which seem to change rather fluidly. And I focus on being honest with myself and the world around me, even when truth is painful. Because the only way you can be truly self-aware is by bathing in truth.

But do you know where I get most of my strength to deal? From the knowledge that, even with all of the things, people, events and other roadblocks I have run into full-tilt, I have endured. Not without assistance and not without cost, but still, I have endured. I’ve survived what many people could not. Knowing that I have that ability is cause enough to fight more. To care about the world. To cherish my friends and loved ones. And to continue joking and laughing.

What I’m getting at, I guess, is: The Dude Abides

Now go get me a white russian.

This was originally posted February 26, 2010.


I deal with suicidal, unipolar depression and I take medication daily to treat it. Over the past seven years, I’ve had two episodes that were severe and during which I thought almost exclusively of suicide. I did not eat much and lost weight during…

No more!

Stop.

STOP.

STAHP.

SSSTTAAHHHHPPPP.

SRSLY.

QUIT. IT.

NO.

UGH!

Just…fuck, man…

I can’t even

Die.

bigafitch:

"American Dream #3" 45 x 32 inches. 2014 Acrylic, blueprint, graphite, ink, poster paint.

bigafitch:

"American Dream #3" 45 x 32 inches. 2014
Acrylic, blueprint, graphite, ink, poster paint.

10 Ways to confuse and frustrate strangers in public:

1) Go into a gay bar and loudly complain about what a sausage party it is.

2) Shush people who aren’t talking at the library.

3) Go to a public pool, swim to the middle and scream “fire!” 

4) Walk into restaurant wearing black clothes. Walk up to any recently seated table and take their drink order. Leave restaurant.

5) Dress in a dog costume. Always. Sometimes as a dog wearing a sailor suit.

6) Walk around the mall yelling for your mom, like a lost child would. 

7) Stain your crotch with fake blood. Walk around book store browsing nonchalantly. 

8) Go to movie theater, pick the saddest drama there. Laugh uproariously through entire movie. Clap loudly at the end. Shout for an encore.

9) Buy a scratch-off lotto ticket, scratch it. Assuming is it NOT a winner, jump up and down in the store or store parking lot cheering and whooping. Run up to nearest person, hug them, and shove ticket in their hand before you run away.

10) Walk through the park talking on cell phone whilst dragging a dog leash behind you with a flaming/smoking collar on the end. 

You’re welcome.
~Wolfe

I love bee puns and I make no APIOLOGY for it! Buy Polly the Bee stuff at redbubble.com/people/wolfehanson!

I love bee puns and I make no APIOLOGY for it! Buy Polly the Bee stuff at redbubble.com/people/wolfehanson!

The first of three (count ‘em: 3!) POLLY the BEE designs, you can buy today on Redbubble. 

Buy my stuff! I have intestinal parasites to feed!

The first of three (count ‘em: 3!) POLLY the BEE designs, you can buy today on Redbubble.

Buy my stuff! I have intestinal parasites to feed!

Rick Perry, whilst in San Francisco mind you, compared homosexuality to alcoholism. I dunno you guys, it sounds like he’s speaking from experience…

Here are a selection of new slogans for this platform Perry is proposing in Texas:
"You booze, you cruise (for men), you lose."
"Just say no twinking and driving."
"Friends don’t let friends drive gay."
"Being gay will get you nailed." (tagged for workshopping)
"Get high on LIFE, not WEINERS."
"What’s your anti-dick?"
"M.A.D.D. - Men Against Delicious Dicks."
"Boo to Glory Holes, Yay for Glory WHOLES…be gay for Christ!"
"This is your brain. THIS is your brain on butt-stuff."
"2 Smart 2 Start (being lezi)."
…and lastly:
"(butt) Crack is Whack."

Carrot the Orange Kitty - shirts, totes, pillows and more!

Carrot the Orange Kitty - shirts, totes, pillows and more!

Come back to life and devour your friends’ brains with this awesome zombie themed tote!

Come back to life and devour your friends’ brains with this awesome zombie themed tote!